Reel Talk: “Worst Movie Ever” is literally the worst movie ever

zombiecats By Sean van der Heijden

Last weekend, I got to see an advanced screening of “Worst Movie Ever,” which comes out this Friday. Directed by Kevin Smith, the film concerns real-life director Wes Anderson (played by Amy Adams) who tries desperately to get his movie made. However, the set keeps getting attacked by massive, bloodthirsty zombie cats, played by Jesus (who actually does a good job), McLovin, and one of the hyenas from The Lion King. It’s a ridiculous premise, but the whole thing was supposed to be a satire. Needless to say, I didn’t get it.

Let me start, though, with the makeup—it was fantastic. I couldn’t even recognize Jesus underneath all the fur and prosthetic hind legs. Also, Amy Adams’ fake nose really does make her look like Wes Anderson—it’s kind of creepy. She captures his pretentious, quirky personality pretty well, too.

But that’s about it for the good stuff. It was nice to see the hyena do something new after a 21-year hiatus, but he had terrible chemistry with both Jesus and McLovin. I just couldn’t picture the three of them wanting to eat Amy Adams’ brains out. Also, McLovin is terribly miscast—he does not make a realistic zombie cat at all and you can totally still hear his American accent when he tries to purr or meow. He should just go back to being in Superbad.

As for the plot itself, it’s ridiculous. If the whole thing is supposed to be a satire of how hard it is to get a movie made in Hollywood nowadays, then why would they make Wes Anderson the main character? First off, he doesn’t even make movies in Hollywood, but also—coming off of the success of The Grand Budapest Hotel, he could make whatever movie he wanted to.

Anyways, adding zombie cats seemed like a cool idea, but the deaths were way too predictable. There are some good scares and a lot of blood, but it’s all too generic. If you want a zombie movie, just go see The Evil Dead or something; if you want an Amy Adams movie—just pick anything, she’s probably in it; and if you want a Wes Anderson movie, well, just go watch a Wes Anderson movie. The three don’t go well together, although I have a feeling it’s because of the zombie cats.

So basically, it’s terrible. If the people who wrote Twilight and the people who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey got together and had a baby, it would be this movie—that’s how terrible the writing and chemistry is. I’d rather see Dakota Johnson and whatever his name is stare at each other awkwardly for two more hours than have to sit through this mess again. It really isn’t worth your money.

Overall: 0 out of 10 (but I feel like a zero is still too high).

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