October Horoscopes

October Horoscopes


Virgo: The ghosts and ghouls are out this month and they really want to do a group costume with you. Rugrats? Scooby gang? Oh! You could be Salt, Pepper, and Paprika from Blue's Clues! Oh, wait! You could each be one of the Clues! Oh! Or you could each be a character from the game Clue! Aren't group costumes just adorbs?


Libra: Moorebid might be gone for good, but your party still continues! Your forced triple is gonna be the hot place to pregame on All Hallows' Eve, so go buy some string lights, a handle of Svedka, and a couple red Gatorades. It's gonna be a time and a half!


Scorpio: Does someone have a birthday coming up? If it's your twenty-first, don a sexy nun costume and take your first legal sip of that holy water— 'ja feel me? If it's any other birthday, put a witch hat on and don't bother taking your jeans off; it's just not that big a deal.


Sagittarius: You and your ex are going to show up to a Halloween party with your outfits matching by accident. Gosh! How embarrassing!


Capricorn: You and your gender-neutral significant other are going to dress up as Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka dressing up as the characters from Alice in Wonderland. It's gonna be a big hit.


Aquarius: You're a fish or something, right? The stars say that you should go with an outfit that's water themed. Think Nemo, Squirtle, or backwash.


Pisces: Are you, Aries and I still dressing up as a forced triple? Oh? Oh! Totally! A nurse would be cute too. Have fun!


Aries: Uh, okay, so I just talked to Pisces and I guess she's lone-wolfing it this Halloween. It's, like, couldn't you give us a little warning or something? Like, if you don't wanna dress up with me say it to my, like, face, y'know?


Taurus:  Mercury is in retrograde, meaning that your Halloween is going to be unpredictable. Prepare for anything and everything by carrying multiple costumes around everywhere you go for at least ten days prior to the 31st.


Gemini: You love to be the life of the party but during this spooky month you can shock the crowd by being the death of the party! Go around silently wherever you go on the big night and stare at anyone cute with wide, dead eyes.


Cancer: Bro, the stars know that you are too old to be trick-or-treating and so do the parents whose doorbells you're ringing. Give it a rest.


Leo: It seems some professional development is in your future this month (playing a zombie in a children's haunted house for $6.00 an hour)

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