What does your coffee shop order say about you?
By: Nicole Smith, Pulp Editor
Photo Credit: istockphoto.com/nikilitov
I’ve heard that you can tell a lot about a person based on the contents of their coffee mug. Take this quiz to find out what your Barista thinks of you!
1. Why are you going to Burgess anyways?
a. I need it! Don’t you know what the rest of my week looks like?
b. I can’t function like a normal human without that first cup of dark roast.
c. I like to have a warm drink in my hand when I walk to class in the cold weather. It’s the perfect accessory.
2. What size do you generally order?
a. The biggest one they have! I need to be able to fit all those extra shots of espresso.
b. I bring my own mug, so I don’t even have to think about choosing a size. I can’t make decisions like that before I’ve had my first cup.
c. Venti, always.
3. What flavor do you add to spice up your coffee experience?
a. It doesn’t really matter, whatever helps the caffeine go down as quickly as possible.
b. Black. No sugar, No cream.
c. Most of the year I stick with a Caramel Macchiato, but September- November I’m all about that pumpkin spice.
4. How often do you go to Burgess?
a. Let’s just say that they no longer ask me my name because they already know.
b. Three times a day, exactly. I go at 8am, 12pm and 3pm. If I go any other times, my whole day is thrown off.
c. I don’t go there that much, only when my friends hit me up to grab coffee.
5. What kind of drink do you usually order?
a. I fluctuate between a red-eye with two extra shots of espresso and a red-eye with three extra shots of espresso.
b. Straight-up coffee. I don’t need any of that other bullshit.
c. I usually get a latte in the morning, and then I stick to tea the rest of the day.
You need to calm down! It’s very clear that you have way too much on your plate, and it’s driving you crazy. Consider re-thinking your schedule. Maybe joining three clubs, while juggling four classes and a job wasn’t the best idea? Please take some time for yourself for your own sake, and for the sanity of your roommates (they probably don’t like that you’re up until 4 am every night clicking away at your keyboard). I recommend trying yoga.
Your addiction has gotten way out of hand. Seriously, how much do you think you are spending on coffee? The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem, and believe me my friend; you most certainly have a problem. It will be very hard at first, but once you start cutting back your life will improve.
Congratulations! You are not crazy, but you are a basic bitch. You enjoy a nice, hot cup of Joe every once and a while, which is perfectly okay. Go ahead and rock that six-dollar venti soy pumpkin spice latte all the way to class, you deserve it. At least you’re not a wild and crazy caffeine junkie!