Pulp Thanksgiving : Taking Your Education Home
TRAVEL WARNING: STATE DEPARTMENT ADVISES COASTAL RESIDENTS TO CONSIDER AVOIDING TRAVEL TO THE INTERIOR. PROGRESS AND SENSIBILITY NOT WELCOME THERE.
With the Thanksgiving Holiday just about to begin, this timely packing list is here to provide a guide for those taking their sensitivity home to friends and family on the Right. Packing with great detail will ensure that all your friends from home know about your righteous activism. We recommend traveling to only urban, coastal areas, though. The State Department has announced a travel warning on bringing your ideas to the interior of the country. Liberal views aren't safe there because of the activities of the “Republican” extremist group (a known Russian nationalist affiliate). People who disagree with you have been spotted all over Appalachia, the Rust Belt and the South. These people (with AR-15s) are to be considered armed, dangerous and close-minded.
What to Pack:
- “Love Trumps Hate” sign
- A Norton anthology of Facebook posts about how evil you think Trump is
- Photos of yourself having a good time with college friends (at protests)
- Copy of the Constitution with the first and second pages ripped out
- Creative non-fiction writing about the problems in your life
- 200 “Racist” stickers (these are great for sticking on everyone you deem racist)
- Earplugs (to avoid listening to the problems of racists)
How to Pack it:
- Roll, don’t fold your ideologies. They are delicate and rolling will allow you to fit more in your bag.
- Post pictures on Facebook of all the things you are bringing.
- Take plenty of Valium.
- Put a Bernie Sanders tag on your bag (people need to know you never really trusted Hillary).
- Remind your bag to check its privilege, especially if you have an expensive suitcase.
Before Unpacking at your destination:
- Don’t let your Trump supporting uncle see your bag.
- Immediately announce your room as a Safe Space.
- Ensure that your Mother has purchased a free range turkey.
- If the turkey is not free range, encourage your guests to talk about the turkey’s life in your Safe Space.
- Inform your guests that orange potatoes are not to be called “sweet potatoes.” That’s a micro-aggression. Orange potatoes don't have to be sweet for others.