Top 8 Fall Fashion Tips of 1994 as Told By 'Angry 90's Girl'
By: Cara Dempsey, Pulp Editor
Yeah, sure. You want the top eight fashion tips for this year? Whatever.
8. Don't buy anything new. New clothes are like new people: Hate 'em. Anyway, like, spend your money on something worthwhile: records, Smashing Pumpkins tickets, feminist literature. Buy a plane ticket. See the world for once. Anyway, like, what does being trendy even mean? It's all so shallow I can't stand it.
7. Don't smile unless there's a good reason to.
6. Don't buy anything new unless it's, like, a choker. Did you even see Natalie Portman in 'The Professional'? Word.
5. Take those thrift store dresses and cut them just below the crotch. No, bitch! Don't get it hemmed. Did you even hear me? You could, like, see France before you died if you would just give up on these fucking hem jobs. Do you think anyone will be looking at my hem when I'm accepting, like, a Pulitzer prize?
4. Listen to punk music while drunk, and let the lyrics convince you that you need to shave your head immediately in your bathroom sink. Fuck society. Your lame high school friends will hate your haircut, but the kids at all the shows you go to will know you're a badass.
3. Start to grow it out. Embrace the monkey head. You, like, are the monkey. Y'know? You're the real goddamn monkey, man.
2. Steal the drummer's denim jacket at whatever concert you're at this weekend. Wear it. Never wash it. Feel him in the way it chafes. It doesn't keep you warm at night just like he never will. Still, that one night in the mosh pit will be yours forever.
1. If anyone asks you about your outfit, give them the finger and be on your merry way.