Real Obscure Horror Films Explained in One Sentence

For the readers too busy sewing their own Halloween costume or studying for their first midterms to read actual movie reviews...

The Gingerdead Man

Gary Busey voices a convicted serial killer whose witch mother scatters his magical ashes into "gingerbread seasoning" so that he might reincarnate in cookie form to take revenge on the sexy baker who sent him to the electric chair.

 

Evil Bong

Roommates from different social circles acquire a haunted, talking bong that traps anyone who smokes it into a horrible limbo that looks an awful lot like a strip club where the dancer's breasts have teeth.

 

Hobo with a Shotgun

A hobo befriends a prostitute, finds a shotgun, becomes a vigilante, and pursues his dream of starting his own grass-cutting business.

 

All Cheerleaders Must Die

After one cheerleader's accidental death, a plucky lesbian teen infiltrates the school's most powerful social circle, causing a chain of events that somehow leads to a lot of dead zombie cheerleaders. 

 

Auntie Lee's Meat Pies

A Satan-worshipper pimps out her sexy nieces to bring men back to her home so that she can kill them and make them into pies.

 

Phantom of the Mall

After a bunch of evil mall-builders burn down a man's home so that they can use the grounds for their next mall, the man returns for sweet, bloody vengence.

 

Stanley

A man uses his pet rattlesnakes to exact revenge on those who have wronged him.

 

Vampire Cop

Ed Cannon takes a bite out of crime.

 

Now go grab someone you love and watch something spooky! Happy Halloween season!

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