SkidSteals

Photo courtesy of Skidmore.edu By: Tameem Samawi, contributing writer

SGA recently announced that they will be dissolving themselves. In a statement released last month Sam Harris stated “It turns out we formed a policy that forced us to be dissolved…I just don’t know how that could have happened.” One confidential, high ranking source stated, “I think we were just making too many policies, especially in this new one we passed.” In fact, over 1,000 students signed the newest policy while on their way to the dining hall. One student commented, “I didn't even know what I was signing; I just wanted to eat…”

The question on every students mind now is “What happens to all the money?” What turned from a college wide investigation quickly transformed into a national investigation when it was discovered that SGA had been embezzling funds over false events. In financial statements the organization was forced to release, events were falsified and the money pocketed. We managed to get our hands on one such financial statement where several events were listed such as Moorebid and Squirrel Appreciation Day.

Shortly after the shattering discovery, the FBI began their investigation into what is being called “one of the biggest liberal arts scandals of the century” or “the 97th biggest college scandal.” The FBI/Campus Safety joint task force investigation has been going through the SGA office for other signs of federal crimes. So far they have only come across love letters from Glotzbach to Harris.

The director of the investigation released a statement to the press: “with over $500,000 in embezzled funds it’s no wonder your clubs aren’t getting the budgets they deserve. We still don’t know where all the money has gone, but we do know that a good amount has gone to exclusive SGA parties in venues such as Club Falstaff’s. There also seems to be thousands of dollars poured into the rampant poster campaigns.”

Though many students are shocked, most are happy. Henry Levis ’16 stated, “It’s nice to have a clean inbox and to be able to eat without signing something.”. In the midst of this mess, the college has proposed a new alternative and has decided to run club affairs and has promised to start by fully funding the Polo Club. It is a period of change at Skidmore, but the student body can be certain that the days of real change are ahead.

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