Skidmore News survey confirms lack of available men

Posted by Andrew Shi

In light of Cosmopolitan's recent ranking of Skidmore College as the tenth worst place for women to find single men, The Skidmore News conducted its own survey asking women if there is indeed a lack of available men at Skidmore. Using commonly accepted statistical methods, we found our results corroborated Cosmopolitan's own findings, but that the situation is actually worse than originally thought.

 Our sample size included three girls, two of whom confirmed the lack of men. The other girl disagreed but her evaluation was disregarded since it did not conform with expectations.

Using multivariate regression, we found that the female to male student body ratio is actually regressing toward levels found in the '70s when Skidmore became coed. Troubled by this, we had our statisticians employ Hiesenberg's Uncertainty Principle but found that our results were pretty certain with a margin of error not worth mention. Still, attempting to disprove the theory that it is becoming harder to find a single man, we created a test that, if produced negative results, would invalidate our results. Yet, we flipped a coin and called heads correctly. Initially this was two out of three but was revised upward to five out of nine.

The final results of our research actually showed a negative probability of finding a single man. Tough luck, ladies. 

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