Posted by Katie Peverada
I've been a student at Skidmore College for 1,146 days. That's 99,014,400 seconds; 1,650,240 minutes; 27,504 hours; 163 weeks. Or, in layman's terms, I've been immersed in the world of chain-smoking hipsters for a little over three years. I think that this qualifies me, then, to give you the following four thoughts that could come in handy some time down the road.
1) You can tell an English major from a mile away.
I'm serious. Or at least you can smell them from a mile away. Those chain-smoking hipsters up above? 75% chance they're English majors, 10% chance they're Studio Art majors, 10% chance they're both, and 5% chance they're just random people who heard about our stellar Tang Teaching Museum. These are some hints as to what you should look for/how to spot them:
a. Smoke, smell tobacco, and hear hacking.
b. A skinny person, male or female, wearing dark jeans with black wanna-be-army boots.
c. Coke bottle glasses coupled with their fat cousin's turtleneck that they say they got at Anthropologie (or a turtleneck from Anthropologie that they say they got from their fat cousin? Who knows!).
d. A person sitting outside Case Center sipping either a coffee cup from Starbucks OR drinking water out of an old Smucker's jelly jar.
2) You can pick out a theater major in a real classroom setting
If a student is literally acting like a fish out of water, chances are they're a theater major using method acting to prepare for their role as "Dory" in the Finding Nemo musical. But other than that, unless they participate in a class discussion or give a presentation, it'll be tough to tell. If they participate in class, they're most likely going to be using their hands a lot and saying things like "To build off of that" a.k.a "To just reiterate what you said so I sound like I know what I'm talking about." The big hint comes with presentations. You'd expect them to be amazing, right? Like they monologue to themselves in the mirror for fun before they go to bed at night. However, make them talk about Calvin Coolidge's Revenue Act of 1924 and they're up a tree. If they have managed to create a handout, they read exactly what is on it (which they copy and pasted from Wikipedia in the first place). And, when they finish, they take a bow.
3) People are so rude that they're too rude to be inconspicuously rude.
I'm not just talking about those kids who don't even try to hide the fact that they're using their phone in class or those kids that brazenly drive through the stop sign/crosswalk without a care in the world. I'm including in this group those that talk animatedly for extended periods of time in the library in really loud voices - they don't even attempt to whisper! Or, those assholes who you clearly know from a class, club, party circle, etc. that don't even give a head nod when walking past each other. Full disclaimer, I'm one of these obnoxious kids.
4) People under 21 are more likely to get into a bar than people who are actually 21.
At first, I thought I was the only one who was denied access to multiple bars and liquor stores in Saratoga Springs despite the fact that I am 21. But last week I overheard a kid say he was denied from a bar as well. Who is to blame? Those of you who use fake IDs from Maine that look more real than my real license. Word of advice: Pointing out to bouncers that they are doing a horrible job at their job of letting in legal aged kids does not go over well. One time I told a bouncer I was going to call the cops on all the underage girls he had just let into the bar and he, in turn, said he was going to call the cops on me. I went and sat in Pizza 7 by myself.
(75% of you will be offended by this).