The “O” Exchange: New Commencement Speaker to Replace Oprah
The Commencement Council is disappointed to announce that Oprah will no longer be able to speak at this year’s commencement on May 20. As she regretfully informed the Council, she is just “overcommitted.” She kindly agreed to speak at both Smith College and Skidmore this May, and due to her busy (and impressive) life, she can only speak at one. Unfortunately, Smith got to her first, and as they say, they have dibs.
As a last minute fill in, former U.S. President, Barack Hussein Obama has agreed to take Oprah’s place. While this news may come as a shocking disappointment to many, especially those underclassmen who may have spent the past month sucking up to seniors in hopes of getting sponsored to stay on campus through senior week and meet Oprah, there is nothing to be done at this point.
Obama is nervous about being her replacement, too. In a comment to Glotzbach, Obama said, “I’m sorry, there’s no way I can be as cool as Oprah.”
Allocations for seating at commencement will remain as previously decided, with six seats guaranteed to each senior and the potential for more depending on expressed interest.
Produced for our April 1 special edition.