Skidmore's Next Top Club

This year’s clubs certainly all have their potential in the race for Skidmore’s Next Top Club, and the excitement is in the air as they take their starting positions at the gate. This race is going to be a tight one, with many talented racers. Skidmore Democrats and Skidmore Republicans canter to their positions with cheers from the audience; they’ve certainly had a lot of publicity in the papers lately and there is a lot of expectation riding on them. Then there is Democracy Matters, which was bred from the same strain as these two and may prove to be a viable competitor. In addition to these racers, we have the renowned Women In Business, which is the crowd favorite and expected to place in this race. The remaining positions have been taken by Feel Good, eSports, Random Acts of Crafts (RAC), Outing Club, Quidditch, and Chess Club.

The Student Government Association (SGA) takes its place at the starting line, checkered flag in hand. Tensions are running high as the clubs take their starting positions and nervously eye down their opponents. The crowd hushes into a charged silence and then explodes in an excited roar as the flag flies and the clubs erupt from the gates and rush down the track.

It seems to be a tight race as the clubs fall in line, saving their energy. This is a long race and they know not to expend it all at once. But, taking the first offensive play, eSports pulls ahead and drops a strange question marked box onto the track. Unable to avoid this package, Skidmore Democrats stumble upon the box and a tablet pops out projecting the most recent political debate. Skidmore Democrats, Skidmore Republicans, and Democracy Matters are all distracted by the trap and pull off to watch the show on the tablet, thereby disqualifying themselves from the race.

The race, now three competitors less, has broken down with eSports, Feel Good, and Women In Business neck-and-neck in the lead as Quidditch and the Outing Club fight to maintain their spots within this leading group. RAC and Chess Club pull up the rear. The crowd has not ceased its cheering as they wait for the next attack from one of the racers.

The clubs finish the first lap of three without any other surprises, maintaining their seemingly secure positions in the race. However, just as it seems that Women In Business is about to take their expected lead, Feel Good unleashes its attack and coats all of its surrounding racers in what appears to be melted sharp cheddar. In a flash of cheese, Women In Business is halted in its tracks, along with eSports, Quidditch, and Outing Club, who desperately send out waves of reply all emails in their attempts to escape. SGA waits as RAC and Chess Club easily pass their cheesed opponents before removing the unfortunate racers from the track with what looks like a large spatula. Following this removal, SGA begins to auction off the cheesy clubs, with all of the proceeds going towards ending world hunger.
The final three clubs make their way towards the end of lap two of three, with Feel Good maintaining a sizable lead and RAC and Chess Club fighting for second place. Suddenly, in a last minute effort, Chess Club begins the final lap and trades in a pawn for the queen and bullets around the track. RAC is left behind in a cloud of glitter. Clearly, they had attempted an offensive play too late and it backfired in the wake of their intended victim. Feel Good, having already dispensed of their attack, can only watch the gap between them and their advancing opponent rapidly shrinks. They make the final turn and Chess Club has fully caught up. They’re neck-and-neck as they race down the last few meters. And the Chess Club pulls ahead, and wins by a nose! The crowds go wild as the Chess Club proves to be the dark horse, and dances three steps forward and one step to the right as they celebrate their well deserved victory. 

World Languages and Literatures: The New Department Name

World Languages and Literatures: The New Department Name

Skidmore Removes Majors, Effective Next Year

Skidmore Removes Majors, Effective Next Year