In Response to Skidmore's Gaping Asshole

Posted by Katie Peverada

Dear Skidmore Gaping Asshole,

'Sup? Thank you for your ponderings on the Quidditch team. I know we were all very upset about the ridiculousness taking place on the Library Green, so thank goodness you addressed it. There are, though, a few flaws with your insults.

While your suggestion of using recliners instead of brooms was comforting (pun fully intended), it contained highly inaccurate and false information. First and foremost, La-Z-Boy 3000s don't exist. Although if you were slyly hinting that Quidditch players should not even be "flying" on anything and rather just running around, which they would be doing on La-Z-Boy 3000s', then bravo to you for such a witty and intellectual thought.

I also find fault with the fact that you think chairs are way easier to brand. I believe that brooms would, in fact, reach a larger audience than recliners. You see, the world population in 2013 was fairly equal (1.01 man for every woman - hard to believe that when we go to Skidmore, am I right!?!?). I thus argue that a large percentage of those women would be more inclined (once again, pun intended) to purchase a broom as opposed to a recliner. Second, I believe that men located in countries whose cultures don't revolve around reclining in chairs and throwin' back some brews would recognize brooms more than armchairs and thus purchase the broom out of recognition. My point is, you're trying to tell me a Swiffer (which I see as the hybrid of brooms) has less brand recognition across the world than an armchair (and I say world because we all know the best Quidditch players are from England and other parts of Europe). My point is, I think that if you were to send a SurveyMonkey out to the world, more people of both sexes would indicate they want to purchase a broom than some made up armchair, like the La Z Boy 3000.

Also, your insinuation that the game is determined in the clouds is false. Find me one example in a Harry Potter Quidditch match where the game ended in the sky, unbeknownst to the spectators. The game is sometimes won in the trenches, in battles between beaters and bludgers that the normal observer doesn't even notice (kind of like football!).

And on a side note, the governing body of Quidditch is not QUIFA. It's the Department of Magical Games and Sports, of which I postulate the IQA is a subsidiary. Get your facts straight, SGA.

But let's give credit where credit is due. These kids are out there getting their 60 minutes in when they could just be sitting "anonymously" behind a computer screen like yourself. 

This Year's Juried Art Reception: Getting to know the artists

Senior Daniel Shure to direct the Spring 2014 Black Box production of Middletown