Posted by Jack McDermott
Well folks, it is almost the end of the semester, which means my housemates and I will all be going abroad soon. That's right, the Token Dude will be no more. Well, unless I end up living with five Italian girls in Florence. But I don't think that is going to happen.
So I think it is time for me to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective. Up until now, I have been writing about all the weird and ridiculous things that my housemates do. But let's just take a look at all the weird things I do that they could make fun of.
For one, when I go to bed, change or do anything that involves taking off my pants, I literally just drop trough and step out of them. I just leave them there on my floor right where they fell, still perfectly molded to my body. When I take off another pair the next day, the old pair is usually still just sitting there right next to the new. My housemate made fun of me once because she walked by my room and there was a circle of shorts and pants just standing guard next to my bed.
On the subject of clothes, I also have blue boxers from the Gap that have beer and pretzels on them. As a side note, for my 21st birthday last week, my housemates filled my room with beer and pretzels. They put some pretzels on my wall, which actually just look like mounds of poop. But I haven't taken them down because I am way too lazy, and you never know when you're going to need a midnight snack.
But back to the boxers. My next-door neighbor happens to have the exact same boxers and we actually plan out days when we are going to both wear them. He will come over and just draw boxers on my calendar and I know that's beer and pretzel day. We also just randomly show each other what boxers we're wearing whenever we see each other on campus. My housemates always make fun of it, and now that I'm writing about it, it actually is really bizarre.
Lastly, other than using regular unscented shampoo, a real bar of soap and having a whole corner of my room devoted to my own huge paintings, one of the weirdest things I do is talk about getting fat. Now I have a really high metabolism and can eat pretty much anything without gaining any weight, but I am just convinced that one of these days I am going to wake up fat. No slow transition. Just, "Good morning sunshine, you're fat!"
I mean, the other day I really wanted ice cream, so I bought a pint from the atrium and ended up eating the whole thing. Eating my emotions? Maybe. Now stereotypically, girls are the ones who worry about getting fat, but whenever I'm eating anything, my housemates make fun of me because I always exclaim, "One of these days I'm going to wake up fat!"
Now that we've taken a step back and looked at some of the things that I do, I realize now that it isn't just living with girls that is weird and mysterious. Living with anyone in general is just hard. Everyone has some quirky thing he or she does that you don't understand or that will inevitably get on your nerves. But if you just accept that fact, any living situation, whether it is with five girls or just one roommate, can be manageable and fun.
Before I leave you, I want to share a few facts. First, you should know that all of my housemates just won vibrators, and we've decided that if one of my housemates was an adult model, her name would be "Abstinence Sally." And, last but not least, for all the English majors out there, "I don't care that I'm dangling a preposition, I'm dangling my dignity!" Cheers! Token Dude out.