C's rules and regulations for a proper hook-up: What Would C. Do? Advice from an Annonymous Friend

Posted by C.

Let me paint you a picture: it is late Saturday night, and by late I mean the parties have all been broken up, the Spa is closing and you are one horny minx.

You may not be blatantly horny, you may just want someone to cuddle with. You tell your friends your night is not over and decide to text a guy you have hooked up with for three consecutive weekends.

You text him. You wait for his response until you realize your buzz is not coming back. You bid adieu and conk out.

The next weekend comes and he texts you, giving you the hope that it becomes as regular as a menstrual cycle. He will not respond to you, but you will always respond to him, even if the response turns into rejection. This is not right.

If you are a male or female and you find yourself wanting a warm nightcap at the end of a Saturday night, please obey the following etiquette before performing a booty-call:

1. People that do not respond to texts concerning a booty-call are a booty-don't, especially if the hook-up has been consistent.  Even if you are booty-don't, you must respond.

If you see the text and you are with someone else, have the courtesy to respond. Reply with an, "I'm busy," "No thank you," or even "I'm sleeping." A curt response is usually an obvious rejection.

Exceptions are: if you think the caller is obsessed with you, the caller sends more than one text in two-to-three minutes, you lose your phone, or you really are sleeping.

2. Do not be obsessive. Once you send an "I want you" text or the ever so obvious "sup?" at 1 a.m., do not send any more! If he or she does not respond, that person should be neutered (see above). If you do not care and just want to snuggle, shame on you. That is what body pillows are for!

3. This is not so much etiquette as it is a suggestion: do not, I repeat, do not become attached!

I know it is hard to see someone you are intimate with as just a naughty friend or an acquaintance, but sometimes that is just what he or she is.

There are some fairy-tale booty-calls that blossom into great sex — I mean, great relationships — but they are uncommon. Save your heart the trouble and think with the part of your body that is being stimulated the most.

As for Sunday mornings, smile as if you got some instead of wearing a frown of rejection. Hopefully this sheds more light than your phone screen does during those late night cravings.

Hearts and Stars, C.

E-mail me at SkidWWCD@gmail.com with questions. Privacy is guaranteed. Advice can remain unpublished upon request.

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