Don't Say Gay

On Tuesday, March 8, a bill titled Parental Rights in Education passed the Florida Senate. Then, on March 28, Governor DeSantis signed it into law. While the name sounds fairly innocuous, this bill became known in public discourse as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, for its true agenda. This law bans any teaching related to sexuality and gender identity for students in kindergarten through third grade, and allows parents to sue the school if they believe their child is being taught about sexuality or gender identity.

As I mentioned in my prior column about transgender people in sports, this law comes amid an onslaught of legislation against the LGBTQ+ community that has focused largely on trans people. However, emboldened by the pushback against the trans community, this law attacks all parts of the community by preventing schools from acknowledging the existence of individuals who are not heterosexual or cisgender. To those outside the community, this may not seem like a big deal. It’s only up to third grade, after all. However, this law still has crushing effects and sets a dangerous precedent.

I speak for many in the LGBTQ+ community when I say that I received no such education. Coming of age when gay and trans people were slowly gaining mainstream acceptance, there was no mention in any level of my school curriculum that we, the students, could be anything outside of normative heterosexuals. Gay and trans people existed to us, but only as something far away in books or on the news. It should then come as no surprise that many of us took years to figure out that the possibility existed, that we could be these mystical creatures we had seen. Early discussion of sexuality and gender identity could have saved us years of personal anguish, and this law is designed to create that anguish by banning any such discussion.

While the current law only applies to kindergarten through third grade, bans like this serve to test the waters and garner public support so that they can then ban instruction in higher grades. It also serves to normalize the idea that LGBTQ+ identities are inherently sexual, or unfit for children to learn about. In reality, these identities are no more inherently sexual than the cisgender heterosexual archetype that society views as a norm. This further alienates young people, who will internalize this and believe that their identities are perverse and shameful, inherently less pure than their straight counterparts’ identities.

Consider the following situations. A young boy plays with a girl, as friends. Immediately, adults start ascribing relationship labels, declaring that the children are boyfriend and girlfriend or will get married, even though they are but children playing together in a non-sexual way. This is accepted by heterosexual society, as it reinforces the idea of heterosexual monogamous relationships as the only way at a young age. Meanwhile, the very acknowledgement that a child could be gay, could be trans, could be anything outside of what society consider the norm, is considered verboten. Which situation is sexualizing children, the enforcement of heterosexuality, or the acknowledgement of anything else?

I would say the first is obviously more so. Education about sexuality and gender doesn’t change children’s sexualities or gender identities. What it does is opens up the possibilities, giving children the concepts they may need in order to understand themselves and others. Thus, removing the topic will not prevent these students from being gay, bi, trans, or any other identity; but will merely leave them unable to describe that experience. If one did not know the words for colors, there would still be colors, but they would be unable to discuss them in any meaningful way. In the case of LGBTQ+ people, this can mean years of confusion, repression, and trying to bend ourselves to fit in. Then when we do come out as adults, we are paraded as proof that children cannot know, because we were unable to explore it. Consequently, many of us wish we had had that knowledge younger, losing years to the lack thereof.

This is, of course, the point. The end goal is to remove LGBTQ+ people from public life. Trans people are just the beginning of a multi-part strategy against the community as a whole, feeding the moral panic that LGBTQ+ people are trying to recruit children or even seeking sex with children. This in turn feeds into and off of the idea that education about gender and sexuality is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate for children, creating a cycle that reinforces itself.

Reader, the time is now to act. While it is too late for this particular law, hundreds of others are on tables nationwide, following in its footsteps. These laws pass because their legislators believe they can do so without resistance. Do not allow them that satisfaction. Be clear in your opposition to such laws. Very importantly, check in on how your LGBTQ+ friends, and in particular your trans friends, are doing, and support your local community. In this political climate, it is easy for us to feel unsupported and unmotivated, but anyone can learn about the issues facing our community and speak out about what is happening. Silence is complicity.