Posted by Allison Smith
The organ loudly plays the tune for Hymn #122 in our pew books.
"Phhsst! Evie?" Says a woman sitting behind my mom and me.
"Yes? Who is that?" Replies my mom as she turns around and away from me.
"Me, Mrs. Garcia."
"Oh hi."
"Do you know who is going to be the host for Coffee Hour next week?"
"No one signed up?"
"And no one signed up for today either."
"Well I made a little sign to put up telling people sorry, but if no one signs up then there is no coffee."
"That was a smart idea."
"Except can you guess what happened to it?"
"No, what?"
"As I was walking out to the car, a little drop of water went PLOP and fell on my sign."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"That's so frustrating!"
"I know! That one little drop of water went PLOP and smudged the ink everywhere."
"That's terrible."
"Now we can't use the sign."
The Pastor signals for us to all stand up and sing.
"It will be left over donuts for us after the service." She turns again to say behind her, like it is a secret.
"Oh no I cant eat too many of those donuts!"
"Me neither! My trainer told me how many calories were in one little munchkin."
"Don't tell me!"
"It was horrifying!"
"I bet!"
"I will never eat one of those donuts again, they are terrible for your body!"
"Neither will I!"
"You should try my trainer sometime. He keeps me in such good shape. Hilary, how long would you say I've been going?"
I do not respond because I am singing.
"Well I have been going for a few months and I've lost about five pounds!"
"Good for you Eve!"
"Yes but not as much as Hilary, look at her!"
"Really? Hilary have you lost weight?"
"Hilary, lift up your shirt a bit so Mrs. Garcia can see your waist now. She has such a thin waist!"
"Oh wow I can actually see just by looking at her!"
"Right?"
"Hilary you look so good!"
"She lost about ten pounds this year."
"That's amazing."
"I think she is coming into that eighteen year old body. You know that body you get as a teenager? She is finally growing into it."
I mouth a few words silently to myself.
"Good for you Hilary." Mrs. Garcia whispers in my ear.
"Yes, well she is finally losing all that baby fat from her face too."
"Yes, she is turning into quite the beautiful teenager."
"She really is. Look at my girl."
"I mean, a beautiful young woman. My apologies."
"Yes, and look at all the color in her cheeks! She wears no make-up."
"No make-up?"
"None."
"You're brave Hilary! I can't leave the house in the morning without my face on."
"Well, its good to see some color in her face."
"Oh yes is she finally feeling better?"
"Yes, she is. Thank you for your prayers."
"How long was she sick for?"
"About two weeks."
"That's so long!"
"Wouldn't you say two weeks, Hilary?"
"Really? That's a shame."
"Yes, she had every sickness known to God, the poor little thing."
"I'm sure!"
"The flu, a cold, a tonsil abscess... can you believe it? A tonsil abscess!"
"The poor little thing!"
"You know that George Washington died from a tonsil abscess?"
"The poor little dear!"
"My poor baby!"
"Well she looks much better now, and so thin too!"
"I just got the bill from the hospital, telling me how much it was for her to be there for just a few hours while she was sick."
"Hilary, tell me, was it worth it being sick for that long to lose all that weight?"
"Just guess how much that silly bill was. Just guess."
"Was it worth going through all that pain to be so thin now?"
"I mean luckily we have insurance, Steve gets great insurance with his new job."
"Do you know if it was worth it?"
"But anyway, just guess! It was ridiculous."
"You don't know if it was worth it?"
"Three thousand dollars!"
"No?"
Amen. The congregation sings.